


Finally I'm Starting To Get My Shit Together

by apollojolras, Red_City



Series: You're the One That I Want [7]
Category: Castle
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Apologies, Arguing, Boys Kissing, Canon Relationship, Cheerleaders, Confession, Confrontations, Crossover, Crying, Decisions, Diners, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, FIx It, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flirting, Grease - Freeform, High School, Javier has issues, Javier is a coward, Kissing, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Pink Ladies, Sadness, School, Sorry Not Sorry, Stubborn Idiots, T-Birds, Yelling, date, depressing rysposito feels, fake date, i'm not crying you're crying, new, new characters - Freeform, ultimatum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-13
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-08 15:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1946622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apollojolras/pseuds/apollojolras, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_City/pseuds/Red_City
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lanie is sick of not knowing what's going on.<br/>Kevin finally caves, and opens up.</p><p>Boys are useless and the girls get shit done.</p><p>[This is part 7 of the series, and will be confusing if you don't read the first parts first! Go check them out!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Story

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for hanging on with us! Sorry we haven't been updating regularly, but we hope you like this new chapter! More soon!

Lanie sat down in front of Kevin with enough force to rock the table he was sitting at. They were in the cafeteria and Kevin was trying to get homework done before his fifth period class - he hadn't had the energy to do it the night before.

“Okay, boy. It’s about time you started talking.”

Kevin eyed her across the table, an eyebrow raised as she tapped her nails on the books in front of him.

“About what?”

“About WHAT? Don’t you mess with me, Kevin, this has gone on FAR too long and you need to tell me what happened so we can deal with it and you’ll stop moping around here like someone shot your dog.”

Kevin looked down guiltily.

“HA! You DO know what I’m talking about so cut the crap and tell a girl a story.”

Kevin shifted his feet under the table, not looking up. Lanie was right - he _had_ been moping. He had pretended he was a lot more okay with the whole giving-Javier-an-ultimatum thing than he actually was. It had cut deep to see Javier pull away once again, not letting his friends know that they were something, and the feeling had just gotten worse over the last two weeks as Javier hadn't told him anything new. They were part of the same group of people, so they saw each other a lot, but never alone and they never really talked. Lanie and Kate had given up with the meaningful looks whenever they were together because neither Kevin nor Javier had reacted. Kevin had slowly retreated into himself as the time stretched on. He didn't know what to do, because he had put the decision on Javier and Javier wasn't making it. 

“Lanie, I don't - I don’t know.” Kevin shrugged helplessly. “It’s complicated and - full of bullshit and -”

“And nothing, tell me what the fuck is going on. I’m worried about you, Kev.” She held a hand out over the table and took his fingers in hers. That’s what broke him - the earnest look in her eyes and the tight set of her mouth. He started to tear up.

“Kevin? Oh my God, are you - okay, okay, let’s get out of here.” Lanie's eyes quickly shifted around the room as she stood, and she came over to Kevin’s side of the table, shuffling his papers back into his bag. She prodded him with her fingers until he stood, looking down and trying desperately to keep the tears from leaking out of his eyes. She dragged him out of the cafeteria, down the hall, out the side doors and through the gym parking lot. It was getting chillier outside, though Kevin wouldn't call it cold, being so close to the coast. The weather wasn't ever really bad here. Lanie stopped at the grass behind the bleachers and plunked down in the grass, tossing Kevin’s backpack down beside her. Kevin looked at the ground speculatively before sitting Indian-style across from her. 

“Okay, Tell me what happened and what is happening now.”

Kevin took a deep breath and looked up at the sky for a second, before looking back at Lanie.

“Okay. So this goes all the way back to June.” Lanie nodded, and shifted so she was leaning against Kevin’s bag. 

“I met Javi - Javier by accident, on the beach. I literally ran into him - landed on him, and he was so -”

“Insanely attractive?” Lanie supplied. 

Kevin smiled. “Yeah, sure. Anyway, we started hanging out. Which then turned into making out.” Lanie’s eyes widened a little bit. “Uh, yeah. Oops. And then - and then we decided we were dating, because Carla and Jenny asked us about it, and then - it was wonderful. And we went on dates and I told him about my ex, and he told me about his -”

“He told you about me?” Lanie asked. “What did he say?”

Kevin gave her a look, and she put up her hands in a surrender-gesture. He continued on. 

“And we watched movies and - did boyfriend stuff. You know.” Lanie raised her eyebrows suggestively and Kevin felt himself blush. “Yeah. And then I was going to move back to Ireland so - we were like, saying goodbye and he helped me pack and then -”

Kevin stopped for a second, just breathing, trying to keep talking without crying. Not that he would care much if Lanie saw him cry, he just - he had already cried too much about this.

“He told me loved me.”

Lanie didn't react much, except for a sharp inhale through her nose. Kevin looked up at her for a second, and then decided to plow on.

“I told him I loved him too, and - it was perfect. Except I was leaving. So we said goodbye and promised to talk all the time and then there was some paperwork and shit wrong so my parents and I couldn't leave, and I was so excited to see him again, I didn't tell him. I was going to surprise him. And did I ever.”

“That was at the bonfire?” Lanie asked quietly. Kevin nodded. He was suddenly angry again. 

“He - he acted like he didn't KNOW me, Lanie! It was such bullshit! He had literally told me he loved me days before and he brushed me off like I was NOTHING. All for his stupid image and his stupid friends! That’s exactly what _Bobby_ would do to me!” 

And he was crying again. Hot, angry tears flooded his eyes and ran down his face, unbidden and unending. He couldn't talk anymore, his voice stolen by his sobbing. Lanie grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down, running soothing fingers through his hair as Kevin cried into her shoulder. 

After a minute, he pulled back, feeling embarrassed. Lanie’s face was hard, her eyebrows together and mouth set in a line.

“Sorry, Lanie, I just -”

“No. No. You are not allowed to apologize for that. The only thing you can be sorry for is not saying anything before now. Because this?” She waved her hands in a circle. “This is bullshit.”

“It’s - it’s not all -”

“No!” She stood, brushing grass off her jeans. “Nope. You are coming with me. We are going to take care of this.”

“What? What do you mean?” Kevin stood too, slinging his bag over his shoulder. Lanie looked like she could kill someone, and Kevin was getting nervous. 

“What did you tell him at the movie? I know you talked.”

“I - I told him I was done hiding. Either he chooses all of me or we're done.”

“Good. Good. That’s what you should have done. That fucking idiot doesn't deserve you, babe.”

“Lanie -”

“No! Do not mess with me right now, Kevin. I am assuming he hasn't made a decision?”

Kevin shook his head. 

“Typical. Okay. Okay. We’re gonna figure this shit out.”

She took off towards the school, and it was already the middle of fifth period. They had ignored the bells ringing as they had walked over to the bleachers.

“Lanie! What are you doing? Where are we going?” Kevin asked, having to practically run to catch up with her.

She turned to him, still walking. “We are gonna go find Kate,” she said, a dangerous look on her face. Kevin swallowed, wiping the last tears away and hurrying after Lanie. _Shit_ , he thought to himself. Lanie was terrifying when she was mad, but Kate? Kate was worse. Way worse. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Kevin muttered to himself. “This is gonna be bad.”


	2. The Classroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lanie gets Kate involved, because Kate gets shit done and is the only person Javier is scared of. Javier is finally forced to admit his fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Shit is starting to get serious - hope you guys like the update. More soon! Thanks for hanging on with us!

“What the hell, Lanie?” Kate hissed as they rounded the corner outside the school. She looked about 2 seconds from ripping someone’s head off, and Kevin was slightly concerned about his proximity. 

Lanie and Kevin had tracked Beckett down while she was in trigonometry, pretending to pay attention in the back row. Lanie had burst into the room unannounced, despite Kevin’s pleas for her to just WAIT, but when she was on a mission there was no stopping her. The teacher had looked first offended, then skeptical as Lanie spouted some bullshit about Kate needing to come to the office because of a form or something missing. Kate had looked confused, then annoyed, leaning forward in her seat and mouthing “What is going on?” to Kevin in the doorway, to which he just shrugged. Eventually the teacher said they could take Kate as long as they just left and let her get on with class. Ergo, the three of them were out on the west corner of the school by the track field and Kate was shrugging her leather jacket back into place where Lanie had been pulling her along.

“What is going on?” 

Lanie turned at Beckett’s question and pulled Kevin closer. 

“Look. You know the shit that Espo has been pulling? Well, it’s worse than we thought.”

Beckett’s eyebrows came together. “What do you mean?”

“Kev, tell her what you told me.”

Kevin looked over at Beckett, then Lanie, then down at his shoes. “Uh,” he started, and then Kate grabbed his arm.

“Kevin, what happened?” She asked. Kevin looked up at her, and decided to trust her, even though he didn’t know her that well. She had always been kind, and Lanie trusted her. Today was filled with all sorts of surprises. 

“Javier and I dated. Practically all summer. We met at the beach and then - started making out, and then more, and then I was going to leave, go back to Ireland. He - he told me me loved me, and I am - was - AM totally in love with him, and then plans changed and I stayed and..” he swallowed. “And he pretty much acted like he didn’t know who I was.”

Beckett’s face had remained impassive for his little speech, her features stony. When he finished, however, she clenched her jaw and Kevin was a little scared of her again. 

“You dated all summer? ALL SUMMER? And he told you he - he actually told you he loved you?” She asked.

“Yes, yeah, he - he said it in Spanish first so I didn’t know what he said, then he said it in English, and I -”

“Oh my God,” Lanie said. “You didn’t tell me that!”

“What? Why, is that important?” Kevin asked.

“Yes,” Beckett said, looking even angrier, if that was possible. “Yes it is.”

She took her hand off Kevin’s arm and cracked her knuckles, looking for all the world about to kill someone. Lanie grinned, a little evilly Kevin thought, and pulled out her mirror to reapply her bright red lipstick.

“I’ll text you later,” Beckett said, and Kevin raised his eyebrows.

“Okay?” He said. “Wait, why? What are you going to do?”

“Don’t worry,” Beckett said, rolling her shoulders. “I’ll stop before I kill him.” She stalked off, and Lanie huffed in amusement. 

“Kill him? Kill wh- wait, is she? Lanie, what just happened?” Kevin asked, suddenly worried. “She’s not gonna -”

“Calm yourself, child. Let the girls take care of it.”

“Lanie, this is my problem. My business, she shouldn’t - you shouldn’t -”

“Look, boy, I’ll tell you something,” Lanie said, hands on her hips. “I’ll tell you who shouldn’t. You shouldn’t have to deal with this shit. Javier shouldn’t have done what he did. You shouldn’t be ignoring him. You SHOULD have told me sooner. But here we are. So shut up, and let someone else try and fix this because you two have done a bang-up job of nothing and it’s not getting any better. I can’t deal with any more rainclouds hanging around you two, a girl has got to get some sunshine once in a while. Let it be.”

Kevin - didn’t have a response to any of that, so he stayed silent. Good instinct, he decided, when Lanie gave him a look and turned back towards the school. The bell rang then, signifying the next class period, so he just sighed, shifted his bag and started towards English. 

“What have I started?” He wondered to himself. 

\------------------------

Javier snuck another glance behind him and then quickly turned back, away from the absolutely scalding death glare he was receiving from Beckett who was sitting along the back wall of their classroom. She had stormed in, looking like murder, glared at him and continued glaring as she went to the back and sat down, never saying a word. Javier had tried to ask her what the hell was wrong, and had texted her twice, but she had just sat against the wall, glaring. Drilling holes into the back of his head with her eyes. 

“Dude what did you do?” Demming whispered to him out of the side of his mouth. “She looks ready to rip your head off.”

“I don’t know, dude,” Javier said back, and chanced another look. Mistake. Beckett’s jaw clenched.

The bell rang, and Javier jumped, his pulse suddenly pounding in his ears. Nothing in this world scared him more than Kate pissed off.

The classroom emptied, slowly, until it was just the two of them. Demming had clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look, practically running out after Beckett cleared her throat. 

Javier tapped his pencil on the desk and then turned, slowly, looking back again. He was first surprised, then relieved that Kate wasn’t looking at him. She was looking down, suddenly seeming tired instead of angry.

“Javi. Why didn’t you tell me about Kevin?”

Javier inhaled through his nose, definitely not expecting that.

“What - what do you mean? I - told you about him.”

“No, you didn’t. You told me about a boy you met over the summer, and Kevin showed up and there he was, not that you actually SAID anything to me, but it was pretty obvious that something had happened between you two - and then you won’t talk to him, or Lanie? I know you didn’t tell they guys anything. But me? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“I talked to him today. After he talked to Lanie.”

Javier’s eyebrows shot up and his heartbeat started speeding up again. “A - about what?”

“He told me what happened.”

Javier didn’t say anything, staring at Kate. She looked back, a look on her face Javier had never seen before. 

“He told me that you told him you were in love with him.”

At that, Javier looked down. He couldn’t look Kate in the eyes and deny what was true. 

“Javi, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Javier breathed out through his nose, not really having an answer. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked up at Beckett for a second.

“Becks, I - I don’t know. I was in love - AM in love with him. I think I just - I was so afraid that the guys would -”

“That’s such bullshit,” Beckett said, softly, still staring him down, leaning forward on her elbows.

“It - no it’s not, sorry if it’s not exactly what YOU would have done, Miss Perfect Everything Even Though I Never Talk About My Own Emotions -” There, Javier thought. Beckett had flinched a little at his words, and he felt a cross between satisfaction and sick, twisting guilt before continuing. “But I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what I’m doing and I can’t stop thinking -” He stopped.

“Thinking what?” Beckett asked, her face carefully masked again. 

“I can’t stop thinking about what my dad would say if - if he found out.”

Beckett’s eyes widened and she leaned back in the chair. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

“Is he - you still care what he thinks?”

“No. Yes? I don’t know. All I know is that if he found out his son was dating - dating a guy, he would just - I just know it wouldn’t be pretty, and I can’t stop imagining it, and then I got scared that other people would - would say -”

“They wouldn’t dare,” Beckett said. 

“That doesn’t matter!” Javier stood angrily. “Even if they didn’t say it, because they were scared of me or you or whatever bullshit, I couldn’t have people look at me different. Think of me differently. My - my dad would never be able to look me in the eye again even though there’s nothing WRONG with me! There’s nothing wrong with Kevin either, he’s - he’s perfect, and I love him, but - fuck. I don’t know!” He sat back down, defeated by his own words. “I don’t know, Kate.”

Beckett stood, adjusted her jacket, and came over to sit on top of the desk he was sitting at. 

“Look. I know this is hard for you, and I know you don’t know what you’re doing, but that excuse is only going to last so long. You need to do something. You need to make a decision. Either way, this has got to stop.”

Javier didn’t look up at her, not wanting to agree with the truth she was laying out before him. He knew that he had already fucked things up and waited too long, but -

“Hey.” Beckett put a hand on his arm, drawing his attention. “Just - think about it, okay?”

She stood again, softly smiling at him, and walked out. He was left alone in the classroom, staring down at the faded pencil marks on the desk, wishing desperately that he could go back in time and do it all over again. Go back and fix everything. Go back and still have Kevin.

“Time travel only exists in movies,” he mumbled to himself, and sighed when the empty room didn’t answer him.


	3. The Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some reasons for Javier's behavior of late.
> 
> Javier and his mom talk things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delays, guys, school started back up. Hope you enjoy!

[10 years ago]

“Javier! Get away from him!”

Seven-year-old Javier looked up sharply, scared by the tone in his father’s voice. He sounded angry, and he had learned the hard way not to ignore that tone. 

“Papa? What are you -”

He was cut off by his father roughly grabbing his arm and bodily removing him from the sand where he had been digging with Jeremy, who had brought his matching set of buckets to the park. They were way cooler than Javier’s single bucket with the broken handle, and the two of them had been digging holes, looking for dinosaur bones. Jeremy had told Javier all about this special program he had watched on the TV about dinosaurs, and so of course they had immediately started digging. 

“I don’t want you playing with that kid,” his dad said, yanking him away from the sand by his elbow. 

“Papa! My bucket!” Javier cried, reaching back for his toy. Jeremy looked confused, and a little scared, by Javier’s father’s reaction.

“Come on, Javier!”

“Is there something wrong?” 

Jeremy’s dad was there now, standing across the sandbox from them, hand on Jeremy’s shoulder.

“No,” Javier’s dad said sharply. 

“They were just digging,” Jeremy’s dad started.

“I don’t care what they were doing, we’re leaving.”

“I’m sure if you just -”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want my son playing with yours.”

Javier, Jeremy and Jeremy’s dad looked up at Javier’s dad sharply. There was an uncomfortable breath, and then with forced politeness, Jeremy’s dad spoke again.

“May I ask why?”

“I don’t want him talking with my son. I don’t want him getting ideas that certain things are okay or - _acceptable._ ”

Jeremy’s dad face hardened. “I see. I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“I’m not.”

Javier was pulled away by his father, looking back at Jeremy, trying to catch his friend’s eye. Jeremy wasn’t looking at him, though, he was leaning into his dad’s arms, who was speaking into his ear, looking impossibly sad. 

That was the first time.

\----------------------------------

 

[5 years ago]

Javier is twelve, and he’s eavesdropping on his parents arguing in the kitchen. Carla is out with his friends, like she always is, she’s never at home anymore. Javier knows why. The house is full of stress and anger and Javier would escape too, if he could. 

“No puedo creer esto. No puedes cortarlo fuera de tu vida, es tu hermano!”

_I can’t believe you. You can’t just cut him out of your life, he’s your brother!_

“Hizo su elección.”

_He made his choice._

Javier’s mom slammed her hand down on something, making Javier jump. She continues arguing, speaking in Spanish.

_You are punishing him for telling you the truth. You are punishing him for being himself!_

_No! There’s something WRONG with him! I don’t want him in this family. I don’t want my children to get IDEAS._

_Believe it or not, your children will get ideas whether or not you place them there!_

_Well I will try damn hard to make sure they never do!_

_You cannot control them completely!_

__I can try!_ _

__There was a silence, and Javier heard his mother sigh.

“Yo no quiero seguir con esto, Marcos.”

_I don't want to do this anymore, Marcos._

Something in his mother’s voice had Javier’s throat closing up in fear.

“Qué quieres decir? Qué estás diciendo?”

_What do you mean? What are you saying?”_

_You know what I’m saying._

_Don’t start this again, you’ve said this a hundred times -_

_I mean it this time._

_Why? Is this because of my BROTHER?_

_Yes! No! Its has nothing to do with your brother, and everything to do with the way you are treating him! You can’t treat people like this! He is your brother! Your blood! Would you treat me this way? Or your son?_

_SHUT UP! Don’t you DARE say - imply that my boy would EVER -_

_What? Love someone? LOVE ANOTHER MAN? Oh the horror!_

_It is unnatural, Theresa, and I will use my last breath to make sure he never -_

_You don’t have a choice, Marcos! Their lives are their lives, not yours! You cannot control everyone around you! Even your son!_

_He’s a child!_

_Not for long!_

There was another pause, and Javier heard a chair slide back.

“Lo siento, Marcos, pero he terminado. Voy a llamar a un abogado, y buena suerte incluso obtener la custodia parcial con su registro. Usted no puede controlar esto.”

_I'm sorry, Marcos, but I'm done. I'm calling a lawyer, and good luck even getting partial custody with your record. You cannot control this._

“No - por favor -”

_No - please -_

“No. Se acabó. Usted sabe que ha sido un rato largo que viene.”

_No. It’s finished.You know it’s been a long time coming._

Javier scrambled backwards, trying not to make any noise and get away as fast as possible from the door. He couldn’t get caught. He was supposed to be in bed. He ran up the stairs and jumped into bed. He hadn’t really understood all of what he had heard but he had understood enough to realize that his life hadn’t been as perfect as he thought - and even then, it hadn’t been that great. Now he knew why Carla was always running around with her friends. Now he knew why the house felt angry. Now he knew why his dad has been gone so much. Now he knew why his mom sometimes looked so sad.

Now he knew more than he wanted to. So he just hunkered down under his covers and closed his eyes. He realized a few minutes later that he was crying. He let himself, for a few minutes, and then just lay in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, passing words around his head for hours, unable to sleep.

 

That was the second time.

 

\---------------------------------

Javier hadn’t been able to keep track of all the things his father has said, after that, all the slurs, insults, the judgement. Javier had tried to ask once, why he hadn’t been allowed to visit his _tio_ ’s house as a kid, but he had been shut down immediately, and never brought it up again. When he was thirteen, his dad had caught him watching a TV show where two guys were dating - there wasn’t even an explicit scene or anything - but his dad had chewed him out and removed TV privileges for the next two weekends that Javier visited. The absolute worst time, however, that Javier would never forget and what was the moment that he started keeping everything a secret from his dad, was when he was fifteen.

Javier, like any teenage boy, was exploring the Internet and himself. 

Porn. He was watching porn. And looking for new things. He had clicked on a video of a threesome, and it turned out to be two guys and a girl. His finger hovered over the mousepad, poised to click away, not feeling right about watching this one. He had this nagging feeling at the back of his head that it wasn’t right, it shouldn’t be like this, but his eyes were stuck on the screen. He had never seen two guys together, doing anything, and at the moment the two muscular guys on his computer were making out, passionately. It was - strange, and new, and felt forbidden. But Javier couldn’t look away.

That was, of course, when his dad came into his room without knocking. He had his pants on and everything, for which he thanked everything in the universe, but his dad saw his face, guilt written all over it, and yanked the laptop away from Javier’s grip. Seeing what was playing, his dad’s eyes narrowed, looked over at his son, and then he proceeded to calmly and carefully bend the laptop backwards so far that it cracked in half and fizzled to death, maintaining eye contact with Javier the whole time. Javier stared in horror at his father, unbelieving eyes blinking up at him.

“Javier. If I ever find out that you were watching something so - so - _asqueroso_ as that again I will break more than your laptop, _comprende?_ ” His voice was low and dangerous, and his face was murderous. “I understand you are a young man with many urges, but there are plenty of girls to be stared at. You don’t need to stoop so low,” he sneered, then dropped the laptop in pieces onto the floor and stalked out of the room.

Javier could remember staring down at the computer, still not sure that that had just happened. He made up a lie to tell his mother why it was broken, and had to save up for three months before he could get a new one. His father refused to help. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

These were the thoughts that kept Javier up at night. These were the memories that kept playing over and over in his head along side Kevin’s face, Kevin’s hands in his, Kevin’s smile Kevin’s kiss Kevin’s laugh Kevin’s eyes - 

He sat up, unable to get his mind to stop whirring. Kate had confronted him on Friday, and he had had almost a full two days to stew about it, obsess about it, and avoid texting anyone back. But it was Sunday night, and tomorrow he wouldn’t have the luxury of avoiding everyone and everything anymore. It was 4 am, and he couldn’t sleep.

Javier crept out of his room, his destination the kitchen. His mom used to make him cinnamon tea with milk when he couldn’t sleep as a boy, and he had found the trick still worked now. Many sleepless nights had been cured that way.

The kitchen light was on, however, and Javier leaned his head around the corner suspiciously. Theresa sat at the kitchen table, a steaming mug curled inside her fingers. He could smell the cinnamon. 

“Mama?”

She looked up, startled, and then an easy smile settled on her face.

“Hola, querido. ¿Qué estás haciendo?”

_Hello, my dear. What are you doing up?_

“No podía dormir.”

_I couldn’t sleep._

Javier slid into the seat across from her, pulling the cup out of her fingers and taking a sip. She smirked at him and took the fup back, drinking from it herself.

_“Why are YOU awake, mother?”_ He asked, speaking in Spanish.

_“Seems not being able to sleep is a common occurrence tonight.”_ She paused. _“Is there something wrong, honey?”_

Javier sighed, both gratified and slightly annoyed that his mom could read him so well. 

_“No.”_ Javier hesitated, and his mother noticed. 

_“Baby, what’s wrong? You have seemed so - so different lately. You were so happy this summer.”_

Javier looked down at the table. His mom knew that Kevin had stayed for the school year. She also knew, somehow (Lanie) that their reunion had not got well. 

_“Mama - I - I screwed up. A lot. And I don’t know if I can fix it.”_

Theresa reached across the table to put her hand over her son’s.

_“Tell me about it, mijo. I’m sure there’s a way.”_

Javier took a deep breath and plunged ahead, not looking up at his mom’s face until he had told the whole story. Well. Most of the story, he didn’t need his mom to know EVERYTHING. Just the stuff that had happened since school started. Mrs. Esposito had a brilliant poker face, so it was likely that even is Javier had looked up at her, she hadn’t reacted. 

_“And, well - now the girls know what’s going on. And Kate is so mad at me she doesn’t have the energy to yell, which is terrifying. And Kevin won’t really talk to me, and I don’t know what to do. I still feel - I still - I love him.” He choked the word out, trying to let his emotions cloud his voice. “I can’t deal with this in-between place - I feel like I’m gonna die.”_

_“You’re not going to die, mijo,”_ His mom said, grabbing his hand tighter. _“I know it feels like that, but you will be okay. No matter what turns out.”_

_“What do I do, mama?”_

She tilted her head, fondly, smiling at her son. He had grown into such a handsome man, strong and proud, but still scared of being himself. She knew that that had something to do with his father, and that wasn’t something that would change overnight, but at least he was trying. Trying more than his father did.

_“Javi, my love. That is not something I can answer for you, other than to say this: you must follow your heart.”_

Javier smiled up at his mother through watery eyes, his mind flashing over the probably hundreds of times she had said that to him in his life. He wasn’t surprised that she said it again.

They sat in silence for a while longer, sharing the mug between them.


	4. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan was simple. Kevin hated it. But somehow, it had worked.

“Okay, does everyone remember the plan?”

Lanie glanced around, a grin on her face that Kevin wouldn’t hesitate to call evil. They were at Moe’s, crowded around a table, waiting for the _Pajaros_ to show up, with the exception of Kate, who wore a matching grin. Castle was bouncing his leg nervously next to Kevin, who groaned.

“Yes, God, this is ridiculous and I can’t believe I agreed to it,” Kevin said, questioning his sanity for the hundredth time. It was two days after the ‘revelation,’ as Lanie had taken to calling it, and she and Kate had hatched this crazy plan to get Javier to show his cards. Kevin had outright refused, then mostly refused, then ended up being cajoled into agreeance. Castle had said yes without even asking what they needed him for. Typical. Kevin hadn’t wanted to at first, mostly because he thought it was dumb, and then it was mean, and then it was too much to ask. Kate, however, had been the one to convince him.

“Look,” she had said. “I talked to him. I laid it all out, and I know him. The next day? He was - different? I don’t know exactly what happened, but I think he had made a decision. However, his decisions take a long ass time and I am not willing to wait anymore, so this is just a little push in the right direction.”

Kevin had looked at her with narrowed eyes, suspicious and still unsure. The sincerity and intensity on her face, however, Kevin could only hold up against for so long. And Lanie had been prodding him in the side with her stupid manicured nails. 

“Okay. Fine. Let’s - fine. Do whatever you want. If this goes wrong -” he pointed a finger at the two girls, “then you are to blame and there will be lots of groveling. And presents.”

“Deal!” They had both said, linking arms with him and dragging him out the school doors. 

Here, at the diner, he was considering running for it.

Before he could make a move, in walked Javier, Demming and Royce. 

“Too late now,” he whispered, which earned him a cheesy grin from Castle and and another sharp poke from Lanie.

Javier spotted them immediately, and a sort of determination came over his face when he saw Kevin. The three boys started towards where they were in the back, and Beckett stomped on Castle’s foot. 

“Ow,” he growled, but obediently grabbed Kevin’s hand and laced their fingers together, making it extremely obvious. Kevin fought the urge to pull away - this was all part of the stupid, stupid plan. Beckett watched them with a sour look on her face, to sell the act, and Lanie hid her manic grin behind a menu. 

Javier slowed, then stopped, confusion coloring his eyes. He glanced down at Kevin’s hand in Castle’s, then up at Kevin’s face, then back down, then up at Beckett, who didn’t react except for a shrug. He turned towards Demming, who had almost run into him, and pointed at a table across the room, changing his original direction. Demming didn’t even notice, stuck in his phone, but Royce gave him an odd look, not saying anything. 

Kevin watched them sit down out of the corner of his eye, trying to lean into Castle even though the motion seemed alien to him. Castle was running his thumb up and down Kevin’s hand distractedly while telling Beckett and Lanie an enthusiastic story. Kevin didn’t miss the way Kate looked down at the intertwined hands every few seconds, once even biting her lip. Interesting.

But that wasn’t enough to distract Kevin from creeping on the boys of the _Pajaros,_ glancing over now and then to see if Javier was watching him. And he was, every time. Kevin started to wonder if Javier had looked away at all when the waitress came up to their table, eyeing his hand and Castle’s on the table.

“You boys together?” She asked nicely, and Kevin was immediately on the defensive, but Castle started talking over him. 

“Not yet, ma’am, this is only our fi-SECOND date,” he coughed, trying to discreetly recover from a Lanie-poke to the ribs. “Thought we’d try it out, didn’t we Kev?” Castle smiled at him, and Kevin tried to arrange his face into something not nervous. 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s - it’s nice,” he said, eyes flicking over to Javier, who was still watching and now frowning deeply. 

“We totally set them up, didn’t we?” Lanie said, turning to Kate, who just hummed in agreement. “They’re adorable,” Lanie said, even louder, and Kevin cringed slightly.

The waitress smiled and agreed. They ordered milkshakes, insisting that he and Kevin share one, and Kevin rolled his eyes and agreed. After the waitress left, he pinched Castle’s fingers with his own, making the other boy yelp and let go.

“Really? Sharing a milkshake? Don’t you think that’s a little - thick?” He asked quietly, not wanting Javier to overhear. That was the whole point of this charade, after all. 

“That’s the point, isn’t it? Wouldn’t you share a milkshake with him? I would totally share a milkshake with Katie cat.” Castle’s face suddenly twisted in pain. “KATE!! KATE! I meant to say Kate!!!”

Kevin glanced under the table to find Beckett’s heeled boot in Castle’s crotch - and not in the good way. He couldn’t help but start laughing at the look of satisfaction on her face, or the relieved breath that Castle released once she moved. Castle shifted in his chair, wincing slightly. Then he pulled the classic (and stupid) yawn-and-reach to put his arm over Kevin’s shoulders. 

“Really?” Kevin said, and tried to find Javier out of the corner of his eye. Castle just gave him a shit-eating grin, and Lanie wore a matching one. 

They sat there, Castle pretending to make moves on Kevin while really flirting with Kate and Lanie giving them dirtier and dirtier suggestions under her breath until Kevin’s face was bright red and even Kate was having to choke back laughter.

Kevin made the mistake of looking back at Javier after they got their food delivered. Javier was staring him down, hands folded on the table, an expression on his face Kevin hadn’t been expecting. He didn’t look mad, he didn’t even look upset. He looked determined. 

Kevin turned back towards the table quickly, swallowing nervously. Suddenly his heart was racing.

“Lanie, this - I don’t like this.”

Lanie gave him her best ‘bitch, please,’ face, and then leaned over to look at Javier over his shoulder. Kevin blew air in frustration. 

“Why not? Looks like it’s working.”

“Oh, it’s definitely working,” Castle said, winking at Kevin. Kevin rolled his eyes and looked at Kate, hoping to share his annoyance, but Kate - Kate looked - **jealous?** His mouth dropped open a little bit. _Son of a bitch,_ he thought to himself. _Beckett LIKES -_

“Seriously, Kev, chill. It’s only today, and then he’ll get his big boy pants on and make a move. Just play along.”

Kevin was only mostly listening to Lanie, now grinning stupidly at Beckett, who was starting to look uncomfortable.

“What?” She asked sharply, and shifted in her seat. 

“Nothing,” he said, and shifted so he was sitting even closer to Castle, trying to test his newly discovered theory out. Sure enough, Kate’s gaze drifted down to where the boys’ shoulders were touching, and then flicked away, pretending to be interested in her nails. 

“Interesting,” Kevin said, and Beckett glared at him. 

“What?” Castle asked, completely oblivious. 

“Nothing, dear,” he said, and smirked. Remembering himself and his current predicament, Kevin sighed in Lanie’s general direction. 

“This is stupid.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it IS, Lanie, this isn’t gonna make him talk to me, it’s gonna piss him off, and then he’ll get all weird and never talk to me again.”

“Hey, Kevin?”

All four of them whipped around at the voice, and found Javier standing somewhat nervously behind Kevin.

“Javi! Er - ah, Javier. Hi,” Kevin said, making his own face flush in embarrassment. 

“Uh, hi.” He stood there awkwardly for a second, and then Lanie made a loud slurping noise with her straw. Kevin shot her a look, and she raised an eyebrow in defiance. 

“Can we help you, Espo?” She asked, twirling the straw between her painted nails.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Lanie,” Javier said, not turning away from Kevin. Both Beckett and Lanie’s eyebrows went up in surprise. Castle’s mouth dropped open and he looked at Kevin, who was staring at Javier. 

“Kevin,” he said again, squaring his shoulders. “Can I talk to you? Alone?” 

Kevin stared, not speaking until Lanie kicked him under the table. 

“Uh, yeah, uh, sure. Sure.” Kevin stood abruptly, his chair scooting back sounding loud in the diner. Javier moved back, giving Kevin room to walk out. Javier held the door open for him, and when Kevin looked back inside, Lanie was grinning maniacally, Kate and Castle were bent over the table whispering, Royce was looking at them with his eyebrows drawn together, and Demming was lost in his phone, as always. 

Kevin walked down to the curb, and Javier nodded towards the side of the building. It was sunny out, and Kevin could feel his pulse beating fast in his veins. 

“What do you want, Javier?” Kevin asked, trying to keep his tone light, and he could see Javier swallowing nervously.

“Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I - I don’t exactly know how to say this.”

Kevin waited, leaning against the brick wall of the diner. Javier shifted his feet, gravel crunching under his boots. 

Javier was looking down, but then looked up and breathed out. Kevin was distracted for a moment by his eyes - open wide and beautiful.

“Kevin. Kev. I - I have so much to tell you, and surprise, surprise, I’ve been having trouble figuring out how. I am not so good with words. You - you know that. You do. And you know me.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow, and Javier put up a hand.

“You do. You know me, the real me, without all this -” he gestured to his leather jacket - “bullshit. You know who I wish I could be all the time. But...you also know how stupid I can be. And how scared I get. How much I can get stuck in denial and worry and almost lose the most important thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Kevin’s pulse was fast again, and he was wondering if he should say something, but Javier kept going.

“I let - I let other people get in my way, and other things mess me up, stuff I should have told you about and explained instead of completely screwing everything up. My dad - well. It dosen’t matter. I - I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Kevin, I didn’t tell you what was happening and I fucked it all up, and I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”

Kevin didn’t know what to say. “I -” he started, but didn’t know how to continue.

“That’s all I had to say. So. That’s all,” Javier said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Thank you,” is all Kevin could come up with. Apparently, that was enough, because the smile on Javier’s face knocked the breath out of Kevin’s chest. 

“Wanna go back inside?” Javier asked.

“Sure, if you guys sit with us,” Kevin said with a smile.

“Sounds - sounds good.”

It was nice, sitting with everyone. It felt right, and they all laughed and joked, and if Kate has stolen Kevin’s seat while he was out and hooked her ankle together with Castle’s under the table, Kevin wasn’t going to say anything. He felt light for the first time in months, and there was only a little pull in his chest when he met Javier’s eyes across the table. It was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost to the end, people! Thank you for hanging on so long - there will be 2 more installations, though part 8 will technically only be a one-chapter interlude.   
> Oooooooooh we're (more than) halfway theeeereeee...


End file.
